Apologia

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As I begin my Trip of Mystery, I feel the need to apologize.

This emanates, i suppose, from a terrible incident last night. I was driving in the evening hours with my family when a black cat leaped directly in front of my car. I hit it and, I’m sure, killed it.

This just broke my heart. I am not the killing type. With the exception of mosquitoes and flies, I try to do what I can to preserve living things. Over the course of my life, I have removed with my bare hands countless spiders and insects from inside the house (usually walking in the bathtub or sink) to the outdoors where they can live out a normal spider or insect life. If I’m walking a spider from a second floor bedroom to gently place it on a Camellia leaf outdoors, I’m surely not going to want to kill a fellow mammal.

And yet I did. There have been many close calls in my life as a driver before, but I’ve managed to swerve and avoid many squirrels and deer in my decades years behind the wheel. My perfect record came to an end last night, however. My family didn’t really realize what happened, and I didn’t say anything, but when I got home, I went into a dark room, buried my face in my hands, and apologized to God over and over again. I felt I had done a great wrong.

I cannot claim carelessness, and a good thing too, because the shame would be greater. I was well-rested, stone cold sober, and driving at the speed limit (perhaps it’s a sign of aging, but I find myself driving at a much slower pace than I did, say, ten years ago). The cat was virtually suicidal, leaping out in front of my car perhaps only 20 inches in front of me. I didn’t have any chance at all to avoid it. So I’ve been feeling just terrible.

It may seem utterly unrelated, but this same guilty conscience wants to offer an apology to tnRevolution for me pointing a finger at him (or, more precisely, his indicator) for me screwing up my DUST trade. I’ve been whining about this all week, and taking pot shots at him, which in reflection was gallingly immature and, in retrospect, embarrassing. The simple fact of the matter is that Tim’s little fingers touched the keys on Tim’s little keyboard and closed out the trade too soon. End of story. My fault. My responsibility. My blown trade.

One of my multitudinous personality defects is a propensity to blame others for any misfortune in my life. As a chartist, I have reasons for doing what I’m doing, and when I let other data color or alter my viewpoint, that’s an error on my part. There are many things that do not “sing” for me. Indicators don’t. System-based trading doesn’t. Neither does binary trading.

Charts, however, have always sung to me, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad, but always honestly. But what sometimes takes me a while to accept is the responsibility for errors on my part. Thus, i am sorry to tnRev for making him carry my bad water, and I hope he forgives my senselessness.

I hope that cat does too.

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