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Now, I apologise for raining on your parade but I have in fact been asked to let you know the whole independence thing has all been a terrible mistake, which is a bit embarrassing for all concerned but actually, if you don’t mind, we really rather would like the United States back please.  

Everything will be quite fair and I’m both honoured and proud to welcome you back. Of course, there will be benefits... well for everyone except Utah, (and Piers Morgan), because we don’t want that bit. There are a few other bits, you know, the ones which look like Mexico but with farm subsidies; they’re optional, we’ll take them if we have to but all the parts with the money, pretty girls and good wine are non-negotiable. There will however be a few new ground rules and just to get you in the spirit of things I’ll lay out the critical ones, 

Learn to distinguish between English and Australian accents; it’s not as hard as you seem to find it. 

The default position of Hollywood casting directors will not be to alway