Since it’s clear the market is incapable of going down more than twelve minutes, I’ll throw some red meat out there and offer up stocks from the most overpriced and insane sector in existence: Quantum Computing.

Considering my opinion of United Healthcare as a company, and my adoration of Luigi Mangione, this will be a surprising post, but – – UNH looks like a cheaply valued long-term bullish opportunity based on nothing more than its trendline. Again, I wouldn’t mind UNH’s headquarters being hit with a neutron bomb, but as a chartist, I simply wanted to point out the stock has been beaten down to its lifetime support level (which, I should hasten to add, is not guaranteed to never fail).

I think I’ve given up trying to understand, but let’s face it, the anonymous gay sex app Grindr has replaced Treasury Bonds as a safe haven among all financial ass-ets. It’s a perma-riser. OK, this concludes the dad jokes.

I had no idea about this, but Google made an investment in SpaceX (Elon’s single biggest asset personally) and it has created a meaningful portion of their most recent profits.