Well my fellow Slope-a-Dopes, I finally scored this week, driving in six runs. It was certainly about time! As you all undoubtedly know, America's national pastime has not been very kind to A-Bob this 2012 baseball season. Big league pitchers have regularly been blowing curve balls right by the notorious Gallic long ball hitter, repeatedly leaving his extended bat blowing in the wind. Even though it does feel good to get out of my endless hitless funk, I am a bit annoyed at myself for taking my shorts off too early on my way to the showers Thursday afternoon, not to mention making an egregious error by switch hitting for my last at bat, in breathless anticipation of the cuming bouncing Faceboy. Clearly should not have listen to my pimp bookie on that one.
I finally recognized the Bernanke knuckle ball pitch floating towards the plate, looked Benny squarely in the eyes, pointed to the upper deck, and promptly connected right on the G-spot with some serious Louisville wood, launching the ball directly towards the busty tube top babe in the outfield bleachers.
Rejoicing with a fist pump, convinced I had hit yet another grand slam, I rounded third with all three base runners ahead of me stomping their SPX cleats firmly onto home plate. When suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere came a 38 MPH wind gust, which met the ball head on, directly in its face just as it was soaring into outer space. You should have seen my long face, much to my dismay, as instead of landing somewhere between the 45-50th rows of the cheap seats, the ball dropped like my fly directly into the glove of #38, the gifted young center fielder Mark Zuckerberg, nearly hitting the surprised MVP right in the face. Regrettably, it was not one for the record books, as the ball did not make it out of the park, faceplanted by the 38 MPH head wind. Much to my chagrin, although I did end the day with six RBIs, I was robbed of another walk off grand slam. I probably should not have posted this personal misfortune here, but rather on my own Fadebook page. If you don't like it…..blow me!
Enough pathetic ramblings of the trials & tribulations of the French long ball strike out king. Let's get to the all important matter at hand. Will the world series game be rained out, or can the heavy plastic tarp be successfully deployed, and quickly rolled out onto the soaking wet field, just in time to save the playing surface from turning into an unplayable greasy reddish Iberian mudfest? And if the tarp does indeed do the trick, what are the managers' new game plans, who's the new pitcher going to be, does he have good enough stuff, and who's coming to the batter's box? We all know the score, we just don't know how many more innings can be played in this euro-slop……….
Certainly looks like the slick & cocky GM Obummer is now fully engaged in the outcome of this all important game, he surely knows his job is on the line here, as the screaming fanatical fans and the team's desperate owners will promptly fire him if he loses the big game for all the marbles.
As per Reuters Saturday afternoon sports pages:
(Reuters) – A shirt-sleeved Obama opened the morning session, promising to seek ways to restore healthy growth and jobs and address concerns in Europe.
"All of us are absolutely committed to making sure that both growth and stability, and fiscal consolidation, are part of an overall package in order to achieve the kind of prosperity for our citizens we all are looking for," Obama said.
Obama, whose re-election chances in November depend heavily on the U.S. economy continuing to shake off recession, said there was now "an emerging consensus" that Europe ought to invest in job-creating infrastructure and other programs at the same time as it tackles its deficits and debt.
The entire world wide MLB franchise organization seems to be pulling out all the stops for this critical game. Major league FED/ECB easing via currency swap lines, combined with jumbotron EURO bank cash infusions & sturdy back stops should keep the ball in play. Obama will throw the first pitch over the plate for game 7, and a QE3 stadium wave will be unleashed to rally the cheering fans. Home plate Umpire Big Benny B will signal the all clear, Tiny Tim will direct the wave from the public announcement booth.
The European baseball commissioner served up moneyball comments on the crucial game:
World leaders backed keeping Greece in the euro zone on Saturday and vowed to take all steps necessary to combat financial turmoil while revitalizing their economies, which are increasingly threatened by Europe's debt crisis.
European leaders seemed keen to stress on Friday that they would stand firm in protecting their banks, after news of escalating bad loans raised the specter that rescuing Spain's banks would crash the euro zone's fourth largest economy.
"We will do whatever is needed to guarantee the financial stability of the euro zone," European Union President Herman Van Rompuy said.
Marc Chandler, currency strategist at Brown Brothers Harriman, said: "It is significant that a group as weighty as the G8 backs Greece and reinforces the idea that Europe needs a strong union. It strengthens its hand."
Astonishingly, our Cricket paddle playing friends across the pond, are also showing interest in the deciding game:
British Prime Minister David Cameron, after an early morning treadmill workout with Obama at the Camp David gym, said he detected a "growing sense of urgency that action needs to be taken" on the euro zone crisis.
London relies heavily on international finance and banking instability would strike a fresh blow to an economy already in recession.
"Contingency plans need to be put in place and the strengthening of banks, governance, firewalls – all of those things need to take place very fast," he told reporters.
Joltin Joe Dimagio of Italian decent, and the Gallic bomber's native country offered up the following winning game plans:
Earlier French President Francois Hollande suggested using European funds to inject capital into Spain's banks, which would mark a significant acceleration of EU rescue efforts.
"I will outline all growth proposals at this informal meeting on May 23," Hollande told reporters at the end of a G8 leaders meeting in Camp David. "Within this packet of proposals there will be eurobonds and I will not be alone in proposing them. I had confirmation on this at the G8."
An Italian newspaper reported that Italian Prime Minister Mario Monti has proposed at the G8 summit creating a Europe-wide system of bank deposit insurance. Officials had no immediate comment.
The only voice missing to shout out proclamations on the decisive game, was the loud stout German blonde anchor women of the cheer leading squad. It seems a large contingent of disgruntled Greek fans from Astoria NY, poured cold Budweiser beer on her head from the stands above, and heaved jumbo sauerkraut hot dogs laced with French's bright yellow mustard directly at her, splattering her costume with heaps of foul food stains. She was utterly humiliated, forced to head back to the showers to rinse out her hair, and pull out a clean outfit from her austere grey locker. Highly doubt we will be hearing a peep out of her for the rest of the game.
On an interesting side note, this just in from European MLB: The Gyro Spartans are losing their home game against the Frankfurt Nazis 42 to zero, bottom of the ninth. Apparently, their clean up power hitter Alex Tsipras has been ejected from the game for punching pitcher Wolfgang Schaeuble in the face, after having been beaned in the groin by his ferocious Messerschmidt fast ball. Unfortunately this leaves the Greek National team with only 8 ball players left on the roster, however, the EUMLB default rules do not permit them to forfeit the game. The League has ordered them to add their gay bat boy to the line up. At this point, one can only hope that Wolfgang has completely lost control of his Messerschmidt, and hits the next 47 batters in a row. We wish the hapless Gyros better luck next week, as they are scheduled to face the loser of the much anticipated series between the powerful Berlin Krouts & the up and coming French Grey Poupons…………..Go Gyros!
So you see double play Dopes, the big game hangs in the balance, and the top dogs are at bat. They will make sure it's not rained out, and that the ball bounces right out of Candlestick park.
Play ball, the count is full, swing away……Evil Plan 63.0 will run the score right back up to 1360.