Why Halloween is the King of all Holidays

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  1. People don’t lie to themselves about how great the future is going to be, just because of an 1031-supertimarbitrary date change (see: New Year’s)
  2. Restaurants don’t rip couples off by doubling the price on mediocre food, forcing them to dinner out of a sense of obligation (see: Valentine’s Day)
  3. No giant rabbit dung pebbles in the back yard to clean up (see: Easter)
  4. No rancid hot dogs (see: Independence Day)
  5. No celebrating of murderous genocidists (see: Columbus Day)
  6. No need to spend days preparing for a huge meal and dealing with multiple family neuroses and conflicts (see: Thanksgiving)
  7. No mass patronage of the consumer society and converting cash into objects that people could just as easily choose and buy for themselves (see: Christmas)

Halloween requires zero planning, $15 of expenses for some decent candy, and allows people to dress up and have fun. Bring it on. Halloween rules.