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You’ll pardon me if I pin the Gold Medal for Technical Analysis on my bare chest for my VIX prediction. As I said virtually every single day on TastyTrade for weeks, and as I said here countless times as well, I intended to stay aggressively short until the VIX reached “between 22 and 23”. Well, it peaked at 22.46 today, and that’s when I got out of any big shorts and – gasp – actually bought a bunch of stocks. The graph is fantastically glorious in its clarity. Thank you; thank you; yes, it is a beautiful thing.


Now as our brave, awesome, and incredibly effective President might say – “make no mistake” – I am still net short, and I intend to get insanely and maniacally short after we get a hearty bounce. I am going to have blood dripping from my fangs.

But until then, I’ve slipped on a pink thong, a matching camisole, a sassy leather skirt, and some thigh-high boots and have joined the bulls in eighteen different long positions – – including XIV, shown below, to take advantage of the withering volatility. Enjoy the bounce, bulls, because you are going to have your eyes gouged out once this bounce is over, and I’ll be the one with the bloody thumbs.