Half-Baked Bear (by a Sloper)

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This is a personal story about cannabis. Yes, the evil reefer, MARIJUANA!!! The story below is my life experience which led me to try marijuana for the first time.

I grew up in the 1990’s and was a child of the “War on Drugs.” My brain was indoctrinated with the “Just Say No!” slogan. I remember many court ordered guests speak to my school explaining how drugs ruined their lives. Local police would take groups of 20 kids and show drug paraphernalia, pictures of all drugs possible, including marijuana!!! The old slide projector would actually have slides of heroin needles on the same table as a silly flower. (marijuana!!!)

So obviously, I grew up with the mindset of “drugs are bad, marijuana is a drug, marijuana is bad.” All of these government programs told me that marijuana is a gateway drug. If you try marijuana, you will eventually use heroin or meth and die! Thank you Nancy Reagan.

So the good model citizen I am. I graduated high school and started college. The thoughts of drugs being bad is very much fresh. I have not yet seen any drug or know what they smell like. I was living in the college dorms and would occasionally catch a smell of pungent skunk odor, having no idea at the time it was marijuana. So success! I graduate college having never tried drugs. (other than my hefty share of alcohol)

After college, I landed a safety sensitive career that required drug testing. My drug tests were proudly passed with no sweat. I spent about 10 years in the industry when, unfortunately, I developed health problems. I switched careers to education where I now teach everything I learned in the past 10 years to the next generation. A teacher isn’t safety sensitive and not subject to random drug testing.

So fast forward, now, my wife and I attended a wedding in Colorado this past week. As you know, marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado. I did my research. I studied my employer’s drug policy. I learned as long as I’m not drunk or high at work, I’m pretty much free to do whatever I please. So, why not? I decided to treat the experience as if we were going to drink alcohol. So my two rules; 1. No driving 2. I will use the product in the safety of my own hotel room in the state of Colorado. The only risk I faced was the $450 cleaning fee for the hotel room if I was caught smoking in a non-smoking room. I will try this ‘drug’ and go back to my job next week as if nothing had happened. I took the calculated risk that the federal DEA won’t bust my hotel room and throw me in jail for 12 years. If they wanted, they had bigger fish to fry in Colorado that night.

We visited a recreational dispensary in Denver. I was expecting a room full of burnt out hippies. Exactly the opposite. I see clean cut employees, clean facilities, and a huge menu on the wall. I was quite impressed. The staff asked for our ID’s and invited us to get into line. My anxiety is overloading. I am overwhelmed with all the years of negative subliminal messages coming back to haunt my conscience. But then, I smell that smell. Not that pungent skunk smell I witnessed in college. I smell a sweet, milk weed aroma. It smells really, really good. A clean, pure, natural smell.

I take note that this long line of people look just like me. I am feeling a little bit better. However, I am a bit confused. My high school anti-drug program showed very clearly what drug users and drug dealers look like. The people in the line are a mixed variety. I was most surprised to see well dressed professionals.

I am now at the front of the line. A cute blonde girl working behind the counter is patient with me. I explained this is my first time. She told me that first timers and tourists were over half of their customers. I felt relaxed. She gives me a pamphlet of all the do’s and don’ts of cannabis laws in the state of Colorado and federally. After I reviewed the pamphlet and showed my ID again we start talking about what product I should buy. She advised this THC chocolate candy bar. She warned the edibles take 45+ minutes to kick in. Only eat one piece at first. I was also rest assured that no person has ever overdosed on THC. If I were to eat the entire candy bar, 100mg, I would just be really baked, no serious health emergency. The candy bar comes in 10 pieces, 10 mg each.

I purchased the cannabis products with cash. Cannabis sales must be cash only. Federal banking laws prohibit any other payment. So, I bought the candy bar and some pre-rolled joints. I don’t know how to roll a joint, so I paid premium for a pre-rolled. I wanted to try it all.

We get back to the hotel and I feel really awkward. I bought drugs! What a badass I am in my clean jeans and polo shirt. My wife has used cannabis before and I wasn’t proud of that fact. She was excited to try it again after not using it since we got married. Before marriage, I made it clear she would stop, and she did. I am feeling really guilty now. I am worried that my experiment might be a big mistake. Am I feeding an addictive substance back to a person who has been clean for five years? I am feeling selfish, irresponsible, and guilty. Is cannabis as powerful as a drop of alcohol or a cigarette to someone clean for five years? Am I going to kill my wife because she will open that gateway and move onto heroin in six weeks?

Before I can finalize my decision, she takes the joint out, lights it, and takes a huge puff. My wife is instantly kind, understanding, and laughing. She was no longer the spawn of Satan I had driven alongside 16 hours to Colorado. She was actually really pleasurable. Thank you very much cannabis. This is a medicine. A calming medicine. When my wife is drunk on alcohol, it is not fun. She can be mean, violent, and full of poor judgement when drunk.

Now it is my turn. I grab this joint which is no longer lit. It doesn’t stay lit like a tobacco cigarette. So I take the cold joint, put it in my mouth, grab the lighter, light it and start sucking in. I am still sucking, nothing. Am I doing it correct? I suck harder, then BAM!! OH MY GOD! *COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH* I CAN’T BREATH *COUGH* *COUGH* I sit down, I feel light headed, still coughing. I am thinking, I HATE THIS! My wife pours a glass of water. I drink it and slowly my coughing subsides. Hmm, I feel good, relaxed. I don’t know what percentage of my body is experiencing THC or just plain adrenaline. No matter how much water I drink, my thirst will not go away. My motor skills are not impaired. The nerd I am, I am treating this as a scientific experiment. I perform the finger-nose test…perfect! I walk in a straight line. I devoured a bag of candy.

My most prevalent negative symptom was the inability to multi task. I was super focused, but only on one thing. I would focus on the TV, or a tree outside waving in the wind. I completely shut off the world. I was happy and content. I definitely was impaired and not to safe to drive, because of my lack of multi-tasking skills. My next thoughts are, “This is it? Seriously, this is no big deal!” I had no decreased judgement. I could not believe this was a schedule I drug in the Controlled Substance Act. It was almost anti-climatic, 90 minutes later I was completely normal again. I was no longer high. I felt great! There was no hangover, no lasting symptoms. I instantly decided that “The War On Drugs” specifically marijuana was a big damn lie. marijuana is not a dangerous drug, far less worse than alcohol.

Later that night, I ate two pieces of the candy bar (20mg) and started walking around downtown Denver. The high took longer to start and lasted much longer, and no coughing. I felt high the rest of the night until we returned for bed. I woke up the next morning and no hangover! Actually, I felt energized, I felt good. I wasn’t instantly addicted and knew my wife and I won’t be on a path of heroin anytime soon!

So that is my story with cannabis. Below I’m going to add my personal FAQ list I made for myself.

What is the state with the harshest marijuana laws? Oklahoma http://norml.org/laws/item/oklahoma-penalties-2 Most states is just a petty fine for less than an ounce. In Oklahoma, you’re screwed.

How much does our nation spend a year on marajuna enforcement? Billions!

Is marijuana dangerous? No! There are a few ultra negative cases that have contributed THC for overdose, but the cause of death was primarily other drugs or drowning in vomit from alcohol. So, let’s say just alcohol, regardless if THC was present in the blood stream.

Is marijuana addictive? I can’t say, I used it for one day. I definitely have known people use it 18 hours a day, everyday, and be lazy. I see nothing wrong with one small hit, at the end of the day, to relax.

Some people claim marijuana cures cancer, is that true? Probably not, but if I were terminally ill with cancer. It stimulates hunger, reduces nausea and makes dying more comfortable.

I’ve had suicidal thoughts that increase with the consumptions of alcohol, is it the same for marajuna? No! In fact, quite the opposite, I was quite happy with life.

How many people were arrested for non-violent marijuana offenses? Well, 7+ million were arrested since 2001

Who is fighting the legalization of marijuana? Is marijuana a miracle drug? I don’t know. Big pharmaceuticals don’t like it. Keeps the Prison Inc. full. Just ask who would lose if marijuana were legal? I’d much rather use cannabis in a cafe than drink alcohol…

Does marijuana relieve pain? Not really. Opioids work much better, marijuana makes pain (emotional or physical) more tolerable. Opioids are addictive and can kill you! Opioids should be used for short term, post surgery pain. marijuana perhaps for long term, chronic pain.

Is “medical marijuana” a scam? Kind of, for 99% of the users… It makes you feel good… I think the entire medical movement is a big excuse to just get high. It should be legal recreationally, for all. Medical or not! Don’t lie to yourself, your back doesn’t hurt. I’m sure inhaling burnt plant matter isn’t healthy, but there are alternatives…vapor and edibles. That being said, I know there are cases where children and adults have benefited from cannabis with certain rare conditions. Believe me, if I had a painful disease, I would be first in line for some weed!

Why do people claim marijuana is bad? marijuana being illegal attracts bad people. I will claim the drug itself isn’t bad, it was the drug dealers and cartels involved with it that are bad. The evidence of marijuana being a gateway drug has more to do with the people than the effects of the drug itself. (ie. your marijuana dealer also sells meth) Similar to the years of prohibition of alcohol, it creates crime. I didn’t see one bad person at the dispensary I wouldn’t trust.

Have there been studies done confirming my opinions? Not really. There is a long history of marijuana criminalization dating back to the 1930’s. In fact, I read Nixon almost made it legal, but his advisors wanted an evil drug to arrest blacks and hippies. Seriously, look it up.

Having been in a safety sensitive industry, would I rather my employee drank a six pack of beer or smoked a joint the night before work? Joint!

In summary, what are my conclusions on marijuana?

It is not a big deal!

Use it responsibly.

Your priorities should be family, work, recreation. In that order.

Alcohol is far worse.

It should be regulated to adults over 21 years old, unless children would benefit if he had a rare disease.

I will make a bold statement and say the criminalization or marijuana and subsequent incarcerations of marijuana offenses will go down in history as a sin equally as great as slavery. In 100 years, we will look back and say, “really, marijuana was illegal incarcerating and ruining the lives of millions of people?”