YHOO Ain’t A-Goin’ Nowhere

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A couple of weeks ago, the Silicon Valley went completely ga-ga over the fact that Marissa Mayer left Google and took the helm at Yahoo.

There are a couple of things about this that spring to mind.

First is: Yahoo sucks. I have been online since 1981, and I've been plopped in front of a computer tens of thousands of hours since then, and I imagine I've spent a grand total of 5 hours – tops – on any Yahoo site. Even in the earliest days of the web, I thought Yahoo was suck-tacular, and I've never understood its success. At all.

Second, 99.9% of the excitement around Mayer is based on the fact that she's a (1) relatively pretty (2) young (3) woman. If she was, like her predecessors, a (1) plain-looking (2) old (3) dude, then no one would give a crap. (Before any of you remind me about Carol Bartz, I'd say she fails two of three criteria here, and even the third might be open to debate).

I would even posit that the different configuration of Mayer's genitalia is the one and only reason that the first quarterly earnings call from Facebook (of all places) was yet another forum to send a shout out to the blonde one………here's a segment of the official transcript:


If anyone cares to question my suck-sational assessment of Yahoo's suckiness, I present to you the percentage change of Google versus Yahoo:


The bottom line, for me, is that Yahoo's last, best chance to get the hell out of Dodge was lost when Yang decided not to take Microsoft's $38/share offer in the first place. Now that the shares are 60% lower than that, whatever Yahoo shareholders remain can only hope for the place to be sold off for scrap to the best possible bidder. But there won't necessarily be any bidders when a company is distressed. Check with RIMM if you don't believe me on this fact.


And, just in case the professional hair and makeup artists (plus a healthy helping of PhotoShop) have dazzled you into any kind of lustful excitement, I respectfully offer you to the antidote. You're welcome.