Parental Perspective

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You’ve almost certainly been reading about the college cheating scandal, which broke yesterday. This is an intensely personal story for me for a variety of reasons:

  • My eldest child completed the college application process this year;
  • I live in the Silicon Valley, where get-ahead-at-any-cost is the mantra of so many parents;
  • There are local parents who were arrested in the scandal;
  • My values are absolutely anchored in meritocracy

Let me say at the outset how thrilled and delighted I am to see a government agency actually accomplish something. The fact that these rich, out-of-touch, self-entitleddimwits have had their lives instantly ruined thrills my soul. What I would have given to have seen the look on Felicity Huffman’s withered face when they slapped the cuffs on her. Boy, oh boy. To say nothing of her husband, William H. Macy, an actor I used to respect.

and, yes, I realize he wasn’t arrested, but still……….

But I digress! I don’t want my well-known schadenfreude, which constitutes a troublesome majority of my being, to get in the way of what I actually wanted to say. Because this explosive story is riveting to me since it touches upon so much of the illness that saturates America.

Instead of writing this from the standing of an embittered, aristocracy-hating lunatic, I shall instead do so from the standpoint of a loving parent. And let me say at the outset that my own disposition in this respect is hardly bitter at all. Why? Because my beloved child wasn’t displaced by any of these crooks. He has applied to the world’s most elite colleges, and, one by one, they are saying YES. You want to know why? Because he’s fucking awesome, that’s why. The best of the best want this kid.

It didn’t take bribes. It didn’t take pledges to create buildings. It didn’t take threats. All it took was the fact that he’s a genius, he’s handsome, and he’s incredibly well-accomplished. From my point of view, the question has never been: “Who is going to let him in?” Instead, it has been, “Who’s lucky enough to GET him?”

One of the many ironies to this entire disgusting scandal is that the parents shelled out anywhere from $15,000 up to $500,000 to get fraudulent test scores………....and the scores SUCKED! Take the ACT, for example. I read one of the kids was elated to have received (by fraud) a score of 27. I would have kicked my kid’s ass from here to West Virginia if he had a score that bad. I won’t reveal his score, but let’s just say it is breathtakingly, impossibly high. And you want to know how long he studied for it? Probably about 10 minutes, tops. No cheating necessary.

But I’m not rich or famous. Some people are. Here’s Lori Loughlin, for example, flanked by the two ditzes she squeezed out:

So evidently these brats are as dumb as rocks. So this dipshit actress from a show back in the 80s and her “designer” husband shelled out half a million bucks to get them into USC – – a laughably mediocre school, but apparently a “reach” for retards. (Even back when I was in college, it was known as the University of Spoiled Children).

I believe USC has shit-canned them both. Of course, one of them – – Olivia Jade, the one on the left – – was a popular “vlogger” who whored in up in front of the camera in order to sell products and get a commission. Her Instagram feed, of course, has been flooded with hate.

what a skank!

Honestly. Take a look at her Instagram feed. I’ve never seen such a disgusting river of vanity, self-indulgence, and superficiality. This person is a waste of oxygen.

Mercifully, I live eight hours north of the vapid cesspool of Southern California, but that doesn’t mean the denizens of the Silicon Valley are above evil. A number of parents in Palo Alto, Atherton, and other parts of the Bay Area got nabbed, too. The one closest to me. one Dr. Gregory Colburn, has had his Google Reviews augmented by delighted members of the public.


In my own family, we have taken the old-fashioned route of teaching our children the value of hard work, resourcefulness, industry, and honesty. We have made tremendous sacrifices in our own lives – – lovingly and willingly – – in order to give them every possible ETHICAL advantage in this increasingly-competitive world.

The simple fact of the matter is that for every spot the brats of the aforementioned rich & famous took at an elite school, there was some genuinely-qualified candidate who was told no. Lives were changed due to this. And, as I said early, the only life-changes I am celebrating is the fact that the entire sorted rabble is going to see their careers destroyed, their finances damaged, and their families torn asunder. It seems a fitting end to such a callous, self-absorbed, narcissistic conspiracy.

Shame on them, and may this entire scandal prove ruinous to all concerned. Shame. Shame. And more of the same.