Tim Knight: Tycoon

By -

I am worth one hundred million dollars.

A number of accountants gathered together yesterday to assess my worth. There’s my beautiful house, of course. And a number of rental properties throughout the Bay Area. As well as a stake I have in a high-tech startup. To say nothing of my complete ownership of the fabled Slope of Hope.

The trajectory of the calculations was clearly headed toward $100 million, so I asked the accounts to cease their computations. There’s no need to go on any longer, because I’m telling you, I am worth one hundred million dollars, and the figures thus far all lead to that. Added to which, should anyone challenge me on this assertion, they will be hearing from my lawyers, as I shall defend my belief with vigorous legal action.

I realize this all seems implausible, considering how I frequently find myself pleading with disaffected middle-aged men to cough up a few bucks each month for their ceaseless presence on my site, but that’s merely a ruse. I’ve got money up the yin-yang, and the partially-calculated tallies to prove it. Honest.

Here we see Mr. Knight as a child on his way to an important meeting, propelled by one of his many aides-de-camp.