It’s About Time

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Oh, this made my day. Honestly.

Wait a second. Let’s back up. I’ve been wanting to write about this guy for months:

They say not to judge a book by its cover. I do. I do it with people all the time. And I’ve yet to be wrong.

And I’ve seen this guy — his name is Kyle Dennis – – countless times. Because he is the “Middle Class Millionaire.” He appears on innumerable ads and videos promoting Raging Bull and is held up as an everywhere schmuck who made untold millions in the stock market.

But something never quite sat right with me about his face. Because, in my opinion, he looks about as smart as a second coat of paint. Dumb as a pile of bricks. Dumb as a post. It’s just my impression. It’s just what I think when I look at him. C-student all the way.

Middle class? Yeah. Millionaire? I dunno. I’d be surprised if it was from trading stocks. But it’s just a guess on my part. Nothing conclusive. Maybe he’s a genius. I doubt it.

Usually I can tell if someone is whip-smart just be glancing at them, like, say, Peter Thiel.

you do not mess with this guy.

All the same, every bear market begins at first with the frauds being exposed at the tippy-top. In 2008, it was Bernie Madoff. It 2000, it was Worldcom, Enron, and a host of others. Like Buffett has always said, it’s only when the tide goes out when you see whose dicks are exposed. Or something like that.

How refreshing it was, therefore, to read that a portion of our government is still functioning and that the FTC sued Raging Bull “for  deceptive marketing to defraud consumers of over $137 million.”

It goes on to say:

Some of the individual co-defendants who operate Raging Bull are touted in the company’s marketing as “experts” who are self-made millionaires but in reality are persistent market losers with the majority of their income derived from Raging Bull’s subscription fees.

Hey, there’s a surprise! Next you’re going to tell me that Lindsey Graham is a deeply-closeted homsexual.

Oh, look, there’s more.

“The majority of consumers do not beat the market or make the kinds of returns advertised,” the FTC said. “Many consumers have lost substantial sums of money in the stock market following defendant’s strategy or trade recommendations; some consumers have even lost tens of thousands of dollars on just a few trades. When consumers try to cancel their subscriptions, many find they cannot do so easily.”

Well, there’s lots more to it. But the general thrust of the lawsuit is that these guys are totally full of crap.

Look, every single spokesman from this outfit was nauseating to me. Their blowhard braggadocio. Their ridiculous haircuts. Their endless flexing about their money. I remember one ad in which one of them – – I think Jeff Bishop – – described himself as the “genius Mensa-certified top options trader in the world” or something close to that.

Ummm, I was in Mensa too. And my family never misses the opportunity to tease me about it. Because being in the top 2% (required for Mensa entry) around where I live is like being the World’s Tallest Midget. What matters is being in the top 0.1%. Not 2%. I’m a dope, and they know it, so I never, ever bring it up.

In any case, maybe we’ll see these ads start to go away, just like those laughable Cyber-Genius ads that Altucher buried us with nonstop a few days back.

God is real, and once every decade or so he lets his presence be known.