When I was a boy, I naturally assumed that Senators and Congressmen were the smartest and sharpest among us. If not, why would they be in such a position?
Now, as not-a-boy, I’ve come to realize that not only are Senators and Congressman just regular folks, just like you ‘n’ me, but many of them are profoundly dim. I daresay almost all Slopers are more intelligent than virtually any member of Congress. I mean that not just to flatter you, but also to avoid the fact I was about to simply use myself as an example, which seems a bit too douche. Thus………..all of us!
The topic of slow-witted Congressmen came to mind since I had heard about some brain trust that wanted to amend the constitution to allow Trump a third term, and I couldn’t help but investigate who it was. Turns out it’s a dunce named Andy Ogles, who hails from rural Tennessee. Lest I be accused of some kind of urban elitism, I would remind you I hail from Bogalusa, Louisiana, which makes Maury County in Tennessee resemble Sorbonne Université with respect to endemic intelligence and erudition.
Anyhoo, our hero was born in 1971, and his higher education was from none other than Middle Tennessee State (acceptance rate: 68%, which I confess is more rigorous than I anticipated). As noted in his biography, Ogles failed every course (how is that possible?) for two quarters at the school, only to return many years later as an older man to complete his scholarly duties and emerge with a 2.4 GPA in liberal studies, the preferred major of every college student with absolutely no direction or passions in life.
Rep. Ogles also seems to play quite loose with the facts. There has been a myriad of investigative pieces on him, even though he’s only been a representative a couple of years, as well as criminal investigations (which conveniently disappeared when his overlord took office). He held himself up as a scholar of policy and economics, but when local media investigated his background, he quickly declared himself “mistaken” and found out, upon requesting his transcript, that his degree was, as mentioned above, in liberal studies.
How a person manages to forget their major particularly after attending a school over a span of decades, is beyond me. In his defense, Ogles did in fact pursue knowledge in “economics” by way of a single course at a community college in which he was awarded a C grade, which I can only assume was for good attendance.
Yet he still would describe himself as an economist, because he read a lot of policy papers about it during his work in Congress. By that reckoning, I, Tim Knight, can likewise hold myself out to you as a political scientist, an expert on the Federal Reserve, and, while we’re at it, a successful published novelist. Goodness, I must be something special.
Since I figured a post about this dude would merit a picture, I fired up Google Images and, prominently featured, here is the honest-to-God Christmas card he sent (colorful opinion redacted). I mean, I look at a picture like this, and I think to myself, of COURSE this is what he values. Jesus H. Christ on a pita biscuit.
This genius has a staff, a budget, and a position of authority. He’ll also probably keep getting re-elected, because that’s what these people are good at. But I’d hate to be marooned on an island with someone like this, because even if he didn’t kill you in your sleep, he’d probably drive you crazy with his banal and insipid thoughts.
It’s honestly miserable to be an intelligent and decent person in this world anymore. Most of you know it. Premium members certainly do. And, as God is my witness, so do I. Durr-hay.
Onward.
