Your Ride is Cancelled

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A couple weeks ago, I suggested that recent IPO LYFT might be shaping up as a nice bullish play. Well, it was a nice little saucer pattern, but it’s broken the pattern and is now just a mess. I made a minuscule profit on it, maybe enough for a cafe latte, but I wouldn’t touch it in either direction now.

Even-younger UBER is a fat pot of nothing, too. These are extremely highly-valued companies, of course – – total unicorn-land – – with very little data behind them.

One quick story: I just returned from Columbus, Ohio. I was there for a week, but I’m not (briefly) back in my beloved Palo Alto. I went to the Kroger grocery store to get some basics for our suite, and I was sitting on a bench in the hot afternoon air, waiting for my Uber ride.

I was watching the map on the app, as my ride ostensibly approached me. I was puzzled to see it a couple of streets away where, according to the car icon, the vehicle begin spinning at a dizzying rate. It then starting roaring up and down the street at what appeared to be several hundred miles per hour.

After staring at this arcade-level mania for a while, I got a notice that the driver cancelled my ride, and I’d be charged five bucks, thank you very much and have a nice day. So I ordered another ride.

And another, different vehicle appears on the map. It gets close to the brewery district, stops, and then starts whirling around frantically. Instead of roaring up and down the street, it simply sits there, spinning, like an electron around a nucleus. After a while of this, I click cancel.

At that moment, I hear a voice. “Why’d you cancel the ride?” I look up and see an older black fellow staring down at me. I explained to him what I saw, and he told me that he was the ride, and he’d still like to take me, but he wanted to go inside the store to get a bottle of wine first. At this point, I figured things couldn’t get any more surreal, so I sold him “sure” and waited on the bench.

There’s no punchline to this. He got me back to the Hyatt safely. But Uber’s app has some………..undocumented features.

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