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I’m a lousy bum.

There are at least a couple of ways you could interpret that. What I mean is that I don’t idle well. I always have to be doing something which I consider productive. Thus, since I have extra time on my hands this weekend, I was into organizing the garage a bit, and I noticed this Lululemon bag dangling from a hook in the wall.


The bag was peppered with bromides and aphorisms, much of which were eye-roll-inducing. Here are a handful of them: the first seems to tell us that all those virologists are dead wrong.


Who knew, right? I wonder what issue of Nature that study was published in.

The next one seems a bit hazardous. All kinds of things scare me. Running into traffic. Laying down on the CalTrain tracks. Jumping from a bridge. Terrifying, every one of them. I think I’ll stay focused on doing things that don’t scare me at all.


And my personal favorite is below; evidently, the creator of this ridiculous plastic bag hasn’t experienced the children who hang out at Walmart or Golden Corral (for the record, neither have I).


The real orgasm of life? I suppose buying LULU in March 2009 and watching it go up literally 10,000%.

slopechart LULU