You and I, being more or less human, have things in life we love or hate. I suspect my “hate” list is longer than most, although in my defense I’d like to think my much shorter “love” list is executed with special intensity.
Right near the top of my hate list is fakery, and I’d like to share some thoughts on that.
This came to mind because, with increasing frequency, I am seeing all manner of social ads which inform the viewer that if they would just sign up some kind of AI service the money would absolutely pour into one’s lap. For example, there’s a firm called Zeely which shows a comely lass sitting in front of her computer gripped with the kind of anxiety that one shows when awaiting news about a terminal illness.
As we voyeuristically are informed of the data she is being provided, it becomes clear that this woman has some kind of small business which, thanks to the AI-generated Zeely ads, has produced the kind of lusty growth that any small business own would thrill to. Indeed, in the viewing of the video itself, our young heroine appears to experience seventeen simultaneous orgasms as she writhes about in delight at the news.
Zeely ain’t just for gals, though. A similar ad shows some muscle-headed dope who likewise is apprehensively looking at his laptop, yet upon receiving similar news (indeed, the order quantities are mysteriously identical) executes an awkward “dab” move which, to my eyes, make him look like an unrepentant douchenozzle. What a dink.
At the risk of stating the obvious, I, too, am a small business owner, and I have been in one form or another since I was a kid.
Over the course of my working life, I have had a “real” job for only a few years (Apple from 1987 to 1990 and a couple of other gigs until the middle of 1992). Otherwise, I have been self-employed or have owned my own business (such as Prophet, which had twenty-one employees), so I would normally be pretty interested in any service which could help me grow.
Trust me, begging Slopers to actually pay for the site for the past twenty years has become tiresome. I never knew a group of people could be so persistently cheap thrifty.
I’ve lived long enough to not be a complete sucker, so my interest in ads like this is based on cynicism, not intrigue. As the ad progresses, we are provided yet another comely lass to shows us that the business in question has $0 in sales before (that firm is hardly an up and comer!) to the curiously specific $35,480 spread out over 1,021 orders.
These numbers, I am confident, are as authentic as those shown earlier.
Of course, even the most curious examination of Zeely on the web reveals page after page of people begging you not to sign up under any circumstances. It would seem, however, considering how much money Zeely is spending on their ads, that they must be getting SOME signups, which suggests to me some meaningful portion of people simply don’t bother digging even a little bit more deeply before whipping their wallet out.
But Zeely is positively the winner of the BBB Good Citizenship Award compared to some of the other slop hurled at me. One in particular is Banx Management, which would like you to spend them a rather large sum (from what I gather, tens of thousands of dollars) to let them set up an “AI Model Agency” for you.
For the most innocent among us, let me just lay out what seems to be the proposition: what they’re suggesting is that they’re such an unmet need for masturbatorial material on the web that you will be able to find a large number of paying subscribers who will yank their wee-wee, after having provided you their credit card, simply because you are providing completely fake images of non-existent human females on their screens for their climactic pleasure. Eww.
Now, I don’t doubt for a moment the fact that the sexual urges of male homo sapiens is a major driver in the economy. It has long been a custom of human history that any new technology’s first use has been to explore new ways of sexual titillation.
Way back in the early 1980s when I was first getting into computers, the only company that could afford a full-color, full-page ad was the software outfit that sold a product called Interlude, which was just a text-based sex adventure. There weren’t even any images!
Yet there are so many holes (as it were) with the Banx-based notion that I can make the big bucks by having my own AI Model Agency:
- How much demand is there, long-term, for fake videos of fake women?
- If the demand really is that deep and insatiable, why would this company want to share all those sweet profits with any slob willing to fork over a $25,000 check?
- What prevents thousands of other suckers just like me sending in their own $25,000 checks and being absolutely buried in competition?
- On the same point, how in the world would a “business” even distinguish itself from all the others? Would I focus in on some kind of fetish, such as making all my AI models have three arms and a particularly long neck?
Yet Banx makes it sound oh-so-easy. You just hand them some cash, and they do all the work. Plus, in the end, you can pretend you’re actually one of them there en-tre-pre-neurs you’ve been hearing so much about for the past half century.
You collect “steady profits without lifting a finger“, based on the premise that your customers are moving their own fingers constantly (with breaks, I suppose, for any refractory periods).
Here again, investing ten seconds to see if this is unalloyed crap yields a treasure trove of furious and cash-drained suckers.
I suppose I shouldn’t be that flabbergasted. In the Venn diagram of humanity, there’s always going to be a substantial enough intersection of the Stupid and the Greedy to create business opportunities for the Shameless. A lot of people are just plain dim.
Relatedly, I offer you the following morsel which perhaps you saw this weekend.
Let’s just soak that in for a moment.
Ms. Johansson has concluded that the movie industry has become a lot less sexist because, from her own vantage point, she isn’t getting as many offers to do roles focused on her admittedly very attractive body. That, indeed, “something has shifted” in the industry.
Not to take anything away from this actress’ remarkable beauty, but the only thing that has “shifted” has been the passage of time. I mean, Scarlett has been a superstar for DECADES, as this very alluring cover photo from almost twenty years ago attests. Being 40 isn’t the same as being 20. It just isn’t.
What I’m trying to say is that if your ninety-year-old grandmother delightedly observes that humanity has become far more decent and mature since she no longer gets wolf-whistles as she walks by a construction site, it’s probably best not to say anything and simply continue your journey toward the tea shop since they’re having a special on Earl Grey.
It goes without saying that I shan’t be signing up for Zeely, or Banx, or any of these other come-ons. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been my own boss for virtually my entire life, and the cold fact of the matter is that using one’s own mind, time, and effort to create something for which people are actually willing to sacrifice their dollars requires a LOT of work, a LOT of skill, and a HUGE amount of luck.
It’s not something you get by sending some smarmy charlatan your cash.
Having said that, I shall now returning my attention to create an important new product for Slope, which I look forward to introducing to you later this summer. In the meantime, behave yourself, and never forget that most people barely have two IQ points to rub together, so watch out. The only real truth in this world is Duke’s love.
