I've had a folder full of weird clippings I tore out of the SkyMall catalog, but the market, until recently, has been far too interesting to talk about to make room for such things.
But with things in a apparently permanent state of waiting, I thought I'd crack open the folder and share with you some of my favorite morsels. Father's Day is coming up, so here's plenty of fodder for gift ideas. And this is just a small sampling from my stack.
First up is the SkyRest, which they describe as a "miraculous, wedge-shaped travel pillow." I frankly find air travel troubling enough without the prospect of (a) sitting next to someone snoring away on one of these; or (b) embarrassing myself by doing the same. To my eyes, the effect of using such a pillow is to look positively soused.
We then have the Marshmallow Shooter which "shoots sweet, edible miniature marshmallows over 30 feet……..marshmallows not included." What a relief to know that inserting the marshmallows into this tube does not render them inedible. I can only think that the novelty of such an item – – even with the prospect of firing marshmallows into the mouth of a willing partner, Blue Man Group style – – would wear off in a few minutes, which hardly justifies the $25 price tag.
For you lonely ladies out there, a vibrating device……..except one with copper prongs sticking out of it. This Vibrating Head Massager, merely $23.95, "gently stimulates millions of nerve endings on the scalp." There is, happily, the ability to remove the spider-like prongs and replace it with a "Pressure Point Massager".
For the truly inept in your life, we now present a DayClock, which offers, at a glance, the day of the week. It is, according to the catalog, both a "conversation piece" and a "fun gift." In my opinion, it's probably neither, although I'm sure its presence in your household would make an impression to visitors.
Lastly – and most appalling – is the $59.95 Color Pattern Clock. This "unconventional timepieces displays a series of LED-illuminated color patterns" to reveal the time. Normally one only needs a fraction of a second to glance at a digital clock to know the time. With this device, however, you actually have to stop and translate the damned thing. So, looking at the picture below, we can see there's 1 light, then, let's see, 2 lights………..and then, counting carefully, three more……….and, finally, let's see, 1, 2, 3…ok, that's 9 lights. So we concatenate the decimals which yields…………1239, which is 12:39. Whoops, in all the time it took you to figure that out, the lights have changed. Better start over.
