I am not one who suffers fools gladly.
If you’re really sharp, I’ll bend over backwards for you, particularly if you’re creating something for me. When I was building Prophet, it was my job description as founder and CEO was to do Anything You Need To Get Your Job Done. Whether that was getting you doughnuts, buying you Indian dinner, purchasing you new equipment or software – – my time and money was at your disposal.
The not-so-sharp among us I tend to avoid, but there are times (like, say, at the DMV) where I cannot escape. Over the past 24 hours, however, I have taken three stabs at getting NetFlix to function, and I’m batting 0.000 with these people.
I first tried Netflix in the late 1990s when they started, and I was delighted at the service. I stopped using them ages ago, though, but I decided – in spite of lacking the time to enjoy movies – to sign up for a subscription. The price of $7.99/month was close enough to free to not worry about it, and I’ve got a Tivo, so I would be able to stream straight to that device.
I signed up; it was easy; I got the activation code; it was easy; but then I tried to figure out how to specify what movie I wanted to watch………and everything stopped. I didn’t know what to do.
My first inclination in these situations is actually to blame myself for overlooking something obvious. So I looked. And I looked. And I referred to online help. And I looked some more. And I simply couldn’t figure out how to get a movie to play on the Tivo.
The Tivo itself didn’t have a search function or anything; if one navigates to the Netflix part of Tivo, it simply shows you whatever is in your instant viewing queue, and it was blank – – because there was no such queue I could find on the web site. I had thought I’d see some kind of drag & drop interface on the Netflix site, but no dice.
I really wish I could provide you with the recordings of the first and second conversations I had with the representatives, because once it became apparent to me that they didn’t know what they were talking about, I went straight off the rails. I don’t scream and get angry; you know me well enough to know I’m too sweet for that kind of thing. I simply get really, really incredulous. (I believe a direct quote was, late in the conversation, “How in the name of my Lord and personal savior Jesus H. Christ am I suppose to request a movie to watch on my Tivo if you have removed the capability to do so???”)
Because, you see, their explanation for not having a queue was……….that they removed it. For marketing reasons. As a test. And they wanted to see what people thought of their test. Well, I told them what I thought of their test.
I did try this afternoon, just one last time, to see if I could reach someone rational. I failed to do so. The unedited transcript, in its entirety, I provide for your viewing pleasure:
Tim
Hi there; ready?
Netflix Symone
Hello, my name is Symone, How can we help you today?
Tim
I just got off the phone with one of your reps; her response to me was so absurd I thought I’d give this one more shot. I’m a new customer; my goal is to queue movies for my Tivo; there is NO opportunity on your web site to do so. After this woman researched this matter, she got back on the phone and told me, with a straight face, that they were running a marketing test to see what people thought of the fact they had removed that function.
Given that is the equivalent of a restaurant removing the food from their facility, it seems a bit improbable. So I want to try with you, the third rep with whom I’ve consulted, to see what amusing answer you have to give me.
Netflix Symone
Oh okay I understand. I’d love to help you with that. May I ask who I am chatting with today?
Tim
My name is Tim Knight; I’m logged in; is that not on your screen?
Netflix Symone
Yes Tim, but we like to confirm we are speaking to the right customer. Can you give me just a moment while I do some research to find the right solution for you Tim?
Tim
OK. So, now that we’ve established who I am, let’s see if we can figure out how to queue for Tivo.
Netflix Symone
Thanks. {huge pause} Okay, Tim I’m back so basically we are definitely running a test cell, if you would like me to notate your suggestion I’d be more than happy to.
Tim
OK, so let’s back it up. How on earth do I pick a movie to watch on my Tivo? Because the Tivo has ONE and only ONE way to see movies from Netflix, and that is by way of the queue. There is NO search function or anything like that. At a minimum, how about taking me off this stupid marketing test and let me have the most basic function imaginable, which is the ability to choose a movie?
Netflix Symone
Ah ha okay, I can totally understand your frustration in this. We are gonna figure this out together. Just one moment please.
Tim OK, because honestly, this is stunning beyond belief.
Netflix Symone
Just to make sure Tim, is your initial question, how do you connect your Tivo to Netflix?
Tim
Via the activation code, of course. How else would I?
Netflix Symone
Okay, just a moment please. {huge pause} Okay I am back , here is what were gonna do I am going to contact our research team to see what how we can fix this.Does that sound okay Tim?
Tim
You’re going to contact your research team. I assume you’re being serious. And you don’t need to keep using my name; I’m secure enough to know that you are communicating with me.
Netflix Symone
Yes Sir.
Tim
You aren’t giving me a solution. You’re telling me it’s going to go to research, which is laughable. I am flabbergasted you guys have so many customers, because from my perspective, your site has no value at this time. I have no mechanism by which I can select a movie. That’s kind of Netflix 101, I would think.
Netflix Symone
I understand, right now we are working to resolve your issue. We are contacting the research team as we chat. One moment please. {huge pause} Tim do you watch Netflix on the Samsung or the Pc?
Tim
I am not going to stand at my computer and watch a movie. It worked on the Samsung, so hurray for Netflix for actually functioning on a device, but my objective is – you guessed it! – to watch it on the Tivo.
Symone
Okay, so right now we are investigating why the Instant Queue isn’t working on your device. Are research team is aware of this situation and are working hard to fix it.
Tim
Working hard. OK. Great. My short position is bound to do well on NFLX. Thanks.
