Today I received in the mail the State of California Primary Voter’s Guide, which the Secretary of State prints up by the millions and sends to every blessed citizen. I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate – AKA the World’s Most Exclusive Club – but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
First off is a chap named Tim (I like him already………) who, understandably, doesn’t associate himself with any particular party. It seems what matters to him most is good old J.C., and he comes right to the point:
Next up is a woman whose first name, apparently, is President (which is shooting a bit high, since she only wants to be a United States Senator, a “prolific occupation”, as she puts it). For those considering whether or not to give her their vote, keep in mind that she is “mainstream Facebook in social media”, to say nothing of the fact that her core values are what drive America.
Mr. Peters, who decided not to bother sending in a photograph, is an “Andrew Jackson Democrat”, which I guess means he will soon be removed from our currency. The last 118 years, evidently, were misguided.
Karen Roseberry goes oblique on us with this coined phrase…….
If you take the time to go to her web site, however, you can start to drink in her qualifications for this high office.
My personal favorite, being from Silicon Valley myself, is Jason Hanania’s, who offers up a binary statement (which cost him $25, the per-word rate, for his entire statement).
Mike Peitiks is sporting a rocking beard and offers up his “single board” of a platform, which is climate change. I’d like to point out not one other candidate swore on the graves of future Californians. Not one.
Lastly, we end with Ling Ling Shi who, at long last, is willing to challenge the “10 giant chaos in economy” that we’re all so weary of fighting. Rock it, Ling Ling!