The Mean Streets of Atherton

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People seem to think that Palo Alto is a “rich” town, just because the likes of Mark Zuckerberg, Marissa Mayer, and Larry Page live here. Not so. It’s full of slobs like me. The really rich town is Atherton, a few miles from here, populated by an increasingly large proportion of Indian billionaires.

As you might guess, Atherton law enforcement doesn’t struggle with the same crimes that, say, Baltimore or Detroit police do. Here’s a recent sampling:

    • Police assisted a man who stepped out onto a balcony and had the door close behind him.
    • A resident hired a locksmith who hadn’t returned with the key.
    • A person sitting in a vehicle outside a residence was waiting for a friend who lives there.
    • A man was reported to be sitting down and talking to himself. Police made contact and confirmed he was using a cellphone.
    • A large statue was stolen.
    • A resident worried that a noisy hawk in a tree was in distress. When authorities arrived, the hawk was quiet and enjoying dinner.
    • Four or five juveniles were reported to be running around at Selby Lane School and involved in “horseplay” on a summer afternoon.
    • A resident asked for help finding a lost cat.
    • A woman whose finger got stuck in a drain was reported to be conscious and breathing.
    • A pedestrian was reported after midnight wearing black pants and a white dress shirt.
    • A woman told police someone rang her doorbell but when she called out to ask who it was, no one answered. Police responded and determined the visitor had delivered a package.
    • A resident called police to report that someone had tipped over his recycling containers.
    • A man was reported to be lying on the ground, possibly writing.
    • A person reported a man tried to hide his face, then turned and walked away.
    • Police responding to reports of a suspicious person hollering “ho-ho-ho” on Christmas Eve encountered a man in a Santa costume who makes a habit of going up and down the street greeting his neighbors every year.
    • Police assisted an Atherton man in a San Francisco bar who forgot where he was and called 9-1-A person seen walking at midday for two days in a row was contacted and determined to be using lunch breaks to get some exercise.
    • Fruit has been disappearing from a tree.
    • Loud birds were reported. Police responded and settled the situation.
    • A resident reported two people came to the door seeking someone who spoke French.
    • A banana, chocolate and whipping cream were found on a vehicle.
    • A male truck driver wearing gloves reportedly made a U-turn and then stared at a person.
    • A family reported being followed by a duck who resides on Tuscaloosa Avenue.
    • A resident reported a large light in the sky. It was the moon.