Rankin-Bass Redux

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As a Gen-X child, I offer you The Truth:

  • The original R-B special, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, is the best. And I think it’s time, as a nation, we recognize the fact that a large part of this country’s current sex drive had its beginnings with Clarice the Reindeer. (I’m cuuuuuuuuute! – – followed by a none-too-subtle thrust into the open air, which is apparently quite surprising for such a young buck. Not a stitch of clothing on either, by the way.)
  • Yukon Cornelius rules.
  • Hermey has always had a special place in my heart. I guess the whole misfit thing does it – – if he were real, he’d probably hang out on Slope.
  • You just know that the blonde-topped Fireball is going to wind up dating other bucks once he comes of age. It’s obvious. My gay-dar is effective even on trans-species analysis. Fireball was last seen prancing in the general direction of Fire Island.
  • As a father, Donner sucks. He castigates his newborn son for a minor genetic deformity….and morbidlyobese Santa doesn’t help a bit either after he catches the family trying their best to mask the red nose (“Donner! You should be ashamed of yourself!“) What a couple of dickweeds.
  • The Little Drummer Boy should be banned as a song. End of story.
  • To this day, Frosty still brings tears to my eyes. Which part? Well, obviously, the part where Karen is crying. What, you don’t cry then? You probably don’t like puppies, either.
  • As R-B started rolling in dough and the 70s emerged, the quality of the specials started dropping precipitously. Witness Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town. Yes, the Fred Astaire character at least provided inspiration for Mr. Hanky’s special many years later, but having Santa represented by some red-headed punk still gets on my nerves.
  • One exception to the curse of the 70s is The Year Without a Santa Claus, and that’s only because of Heat Miser and Cold Miser. Which one do I prefer? Oh, come on, do you really have to ask?
  • The other specials – – dreck such as Nestor – – don’t merit any analysis. This is really all ye need know.