CES Silliness

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The annual Consumer Electronics Show (CES) rolled around as it always does in January, and this video hits on some of the highlights:

I gotta say, though, I think they’re really running out of ideas. Keep in mind, this is an extremely expensive show for exhibitors, so they don’t just trot out silly things for laughs. These are serious products intended to sell boatloads. But, honestly………….

Here we have the latest face mask technology, to replace the old school filter masks you see people wearing. No, these aren’t goggles that have slipped down suddenly. This is seriously how you’re supposed to wear it while you’re walking around town. Honest.

And then we have a robot that will deliver you a roll of toilet paper just in case you’ve taken a healthy dump and realize there’s no paper left. But you’ve got your phone, right? So just summon your your shit-bot, and it’ll roll right in. Assuming you keep your bathroom door wide open while you’re laying cable. (Or did they happen to think of that?)

For me, the winner of the Stupidest Thing Ever is this voice-activated Moen faucet.

Let’s say you needed two tablespoons of water. On Earth, where I come from, you would hold a measuring spoon beneath the tap, turn it on, and in a moment, turn it off again. You would have the water you need. You might have dispensed three or four tablespoons, but it doesn’t matter. It’s just spilled into the sink.

Instead of that one-second procedure, however, as the video shows us, after you have total re-plumbed your kitchen and equipped it with an Alexa, you would:

  1. Get a spoon;
  2. Say something like, “Alexa, tell the Moen to give me two tablespoons of water.”
  3. Hold the spoon beneath the faucet.
  4. Wave your hand over a specific part of the faucet intended to get the “go ahead” signal.
  5. You would have precisely 2 tablespoons of water, assuming you held the spoon perfectly.

What a relief, huh? Jesus.

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