Long Side:

Short:

I'm seeing a lot more long ideas than shorts. The above are just a small sample set.

In my line of work, nothing matters more than being able to accurately predict the future. No matter how well you write, how popular you've become, or how good-looking you are, it all comes down to being a prophet.

Which is why I was amazed at this article from The Onion (which, for those who have been hiding in a cave with Osama bin Laden for twenty years, is a very popular satirical publication). Now I want you to keep two things in mind: (1) this was written eight years ago, when Bush was just elected; (2) this is a parody.

Here is a portion of the article, with some choice phrases boldfaced. Scary stuff.

WASHINGTON, DC – Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

"You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.

"Finally, the horrific misrule of the Democrats has been brought to a close," House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) told reporters. "Under Bush, we can all look forward to military aggression, deregulation of dangerous, greedy industries, and the defunding of vital domestic social-service programs upon which millions depend. Mercifully, we can now say goodbye to the awful nightmare that was Clinton's America."

Bush concluded his speech on a note of healing and redemption.

"We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two," Bush said. "Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there's much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation's hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it."

"The insanity is over," Bush said. "After a long, dark night of peace and stability, the sun is finally rising again over America. We look forward to a bright new dawn not seen since the glory days of my dad."

Entering short position on the /ES at 861.25 with stop at 880. Will tighten stop if/when market moves clearly in downward direction.

As if last week's Roundtable wasn't enough, this week's Barron's piles on some more wisdom and fine picks. At least the headline they choose to summarize the performance of all their stock choices last year:

I know this phone picture is hard to read, but it says their average long recommendation went down 29.4%, versus a drop of 25.9% for corresponding benchmarks. In other words, you have one of the top financial publications on the planet, with access to the sharpest minds in the business, and they lose even more money than the hum-drum benchmarks they follow. Pathetic.

If you don't have faith in Barron's picks in general, perhaps you could rely on Abby "just had my hair straightened" Cohen.

It's a very fuzzy picture (I, umm, didn't have a scanner with me at the time) but, there at the top of her equity pick list, is Bank of America. Yes, Bank of America. Which, in the two short weeks since her interview, has already lost 50% of its value. In addition, of the six picks she offers, five of them are already down this year. Way to go, Abby!

I'm not the only one noticing Barron's track record – – check out the awesome video here.