About Last Night

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The punchline: Elon’s hosting gig on Saturday Night live wiped $50 billion off of Dogecoin’s market cap in a single session.

The setup: That’s going to take longer to explain.

For those of you visiting us from outer space, Saturday Night Live is a nearly 50 year old show which, at times, has been the hysterically funny touchstone of American culture, and at other times, has been a wretched bore. I’ve watched the show countless times, and know everything there is to know about its history, but I stopped watching it a very long time ago. Having seen last night’s episode, I feel no sting of regret.

Elon Musk, the zillionaire founder of Tesla and SpaceX, was the inexplicable host last night, and given his endless pumping of the Dogecoin currency, the general feeling among the bubble-headed millennials was that the smart move was to buy up as much Dogecoin as they could afford and – in their own endlessly-repeated words – ride the profits “to the moon” as DOGE exploded to God-knows-how-high a price.

I had my own feelings on the matter which, thus far, have played out with eye-watering perfection. We’ll have to wait until Monday to see if I win the Nobel Prize for SNL Conjecture.


The episode began, wisely, with Elon nowhere in sight. Instead, the musician-who-apparently-wants-to-be-in-porn Miley Cyrus came out in a top which was…………..unusual.


So, yeah, that pretty much set the show in a direction that I figured it would.

I strongly suspect this is the first time in history that the broadcasting of SNL was paralleled, as it was in my life, with a tick-by-tick observation of a financial instrument. My thesis was that the old saw to “Buy the Rumor, Sell the News” would never, ever have a more fitting example, and I watched it play out in real time. DOGE didn’t rocket to the moon. Its behavior, if moon-like, was more along the lines of a geological exploration of the lunar inner core with a drill. Over the span of a single session, the now-famous alt-coin lost about 40% of its………ummmm………..”value.”


Hey, Tim, what’s with the stupid image in the graph? Oh, perhaps you didn’t see the episode (congratulations if so). You see, in one of the my-facial-muscles-continue-to-be-very-relaxed sketches last night was one in which the world’s richest man put on a Wario costume (from the Mario Brothers game) in a court setting.


The court sketch, incidentally, included a display of the aforementioned Wario’s dick, pixelated:


Perhaps I’m being judgmental, but I simply cannot fathom John Rockefeller or Andrew Carnegie participating in such a thing. But the megarich of olden times weren’t as hip as today, right, kids?

What I think really clinched it, however, was Elon’s spot on the Weekend News Update sketch in which he, as a crypto expert, made light of the fact that he could absolutely not explain Dogecoin at all, and that it was, in fact, a “hustle.” So all the kids at those Elon doge-to-the-moon watch parties were surely none too pleased.


I, of course, had an absolute ball with it, as I got the opportunity to share my feelings on the matter in real time.


As I said, we’ve got to see how these plays out on Monday. But seriously, if assets in general fall on Monday (joining the DOGE $50 billion wipeout), I say again, we have crafted for ourselves the stupidest culture ever to walk the Earth. I’ll be watching with rapt attention.