Yodel For Me, You Sap

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FUN FACT: This is Slope’s 24,000th post! And it’s a good one:

Let’s say you went up to a grown person and told them that, if they would try to yodel for you for 15 seconds, you would give them twenty dollars. They might hesitate at first, but most people would, within a pretty short amount of time, figure that was a fair trade and try to warble out a few yodel-a-ee-hoos for you.

You say “thanks” and walk away without paying them. They would probably leer at you and mutter an obscenity under their breath.

The next day, you find the same fellow and make him the same offer. I suspect at that point, instead of accepting your offer, he would make a very specific anatomical suggestion which not only you’re not interested in performing, but is itself impossible to perform. Needless to say, no yodeling would be forthcoming.

Now, let’s say you did the same thing with a five year old. Day one, you approach them and offer them ten bucks (hey, kids are cheaper) to yodel. They try their best, and as with the adult, you just say thanks and walk away without paying them.

You go back the second day and make the same offer. The odds aren’t bad that the kid would give it another shot. They might assume they just didn’t do a good enough job the prior day. You might be able to do this three or four days in a row before the kid wound up making the identical anatomical suggestion that the chap above did, and they’d both be right to do so.

Yet let’s say you found a grown person whom you could approach day after day, week after week, month after month, and he would yodel for you every single time. You break your promise every time, but somehow he never gives up. It isn’t that he’s mentally challenged or anything. I guess he’s just a gullible sap. Whatever the reason, you are getting yourself one hell of a lot of yodeling for absolutely no charge, my friend. Well done.

And that’s precisely what we have with this goddamned China situation. You people – – yes, I’m looking at you! – – keep falling for it again, and again, and again. And then again. Oh, and look! Again! Jesus!

In a span of hours, we had this……..

…….followed by………..

………and then………….

To which I can only say to the people of earth: Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ, what is WRONG with you people? THERE……..IS …………NOT. ……….GOING …………TO…………BE ………..A………..DEAL! Even if they do eventually cobble something together, it will be as meaningless and unimportant as the “deal” we had with North Korean (Remember them? The ones who are able to test missiles with impunity, because their fat-ass leader has figured out that our fat-ass leader will do anything at all if you send him a fawning letter?)

And yet the markets get yanked around like a dog on a chain:


But even when we turned green Sunday night (which, to me, is just incredibly laughable) I knew that we’d plunge again for some reason or anything, because the pattern (in green) was as plain as day).


And thus we are getting shifted from range to range.


You know what I would tell our genius President if he really, really wanted to win 2020? I would tell him to let the market crash NOW. Because the American public has an attention span of roughly 48 hours (I’m being generous), and so long as things SEEM to be on the mend in late October and early November 2020, he’ll be right as rain.

But the man’s pathetically frail ego won’t permit that, and he’s just going to keep trying to save the day, again and again. Thus, it is entirely possible that by the time the autumn of next year rolls around, whatever shit is hitting the fan is going to be so indefatigable that the bastard won’t be able to do a goddamn thing about it, and he’ll get completely crushed.

Character is destiny.